Oh, No! FOMO!

By its very nature, saying ‘no’ might be perceived as negative. For those of us who pride ourselves on being helpful & supportive, saying ‘no’ can make us feel guilty at letting someone down, or embarrassed or incapable for feeling like we cannot take on another task, project or client

But why is saying ‘no’ seen as a negative? As social creatures, with an instinctive need for connections & relationships, we are conditioned to feel responsible for the feelings of those around us. Saying ‘no’ creates an uncertainty as to another person’s reaction. Will they be angry or upset or will they think I’m rude or selfish? Maybe at the heart of it is FOMO & there is an opportunity going that I am missing out on? Saying ‘yes’, helps us avoid our immediate discomfort that might come from saying ‘no’ & allows us to keep a conversation alive for the fear of missing out, but what is the impact longer term, to ourselves & our businesses?

The Art Of Saying 'No' 

With our people-pleasing tendencies deep-rooted, we are a nation of ‘yes’ people. So how can we shift our perspective? 

First & foremost, saying ‘no’ isn’t personal, & it can benefit your business. For example, saying ‘no’ can have a positive impact on your sales pipeline. If a customer isn’t genuinely interested or engaged, then saying ‘no’ allows you to understand where you stand & that you can begin to spread your net elsewhere & allow you to create a more genuine & rewarding pipeline. A potential client saying ‘no’ doesn’t have to be the end of the conversation. It is just not happening right now & that is OK. Set a future expectation. Agree to pick-up the discussion in six months or so, when your circumstances & theirs’ may have changed & it has now become the right time to say ‘yes’.

If a potential client kicks the can down the road, they are most likely stalling, which in turn requires additional work on your part to find out their true intentions. Meaning extra emails or calls, or conversations that are heading nowhere. Saying ‘no’ clears the air & allows everyone to move on. In turn, you can find a client who is more genuinely interested & for whom the fit of your business, product or service is right & who will say ‘YES!’. Thus, saving everyone time & effort. 

With the client who says ‘no’, you don’t need to spend any more time discussing options they know they will not pursue, & you don’t spend time working on trying to fit a stalling customer into your business model, when it’s just not going to happen. If they are interested, but now is not the right time, it is better to wait & be there when they need or can afford you. 

There are positives to saying ‘no’ & we should focus on those. Saying ‘no’ shows respect & honesty. These are key components in any trusted relationship, so exercising these allows you to strengthen connections, & show sincerity & understanding. 

I’ve written about the impacts of working with a customer who doesn’t fit your customer profile before. Creating sound customer avatars is the second pillar in setting up one’s own business. Saying ‘no’ is a way to ensure that you use your valuable time & resources on the best leads that help your business thrive & prosper. This brings me to my next point: creating headspace. 

The Cost Of Saying ‘Yes’

When you ask someone how they are, how often do they respond with ‘busy’? While ‘good but busy’ can be a positive thing, I’m hearing more & more that people are ‘hectic & that there are not enough hours in the day’. While this might seem like a good thing, in truth is this because of their inability to say ‘no’? 

Having too many commitments that are not necessarily right for your business, coupled with trying to fit square peg customers in to round holes out of the desire to try & meet everyone’s needs can become over-bearing, overwhelming & not terribly productive. It is much more rewarding to focus on your core audience. 

Take your time to say ‘yes’ when being asked to join an organisation, or when your potential customer is demanding something that sits on the periphery of what you do, or is baulking at your price-point or does not respect your knowledge & expertise. High maintenance requires more time & effort & you’ll probably never create a satisfactory outcome. 

As we all try & keep our work-life balance in equilibrium, saying ‘no’ is a useful tool. Drowning in work, & risking overwhelm & burnout may be exacerbated by not saying ‘no’ enough. 

This is two-fold, because saying ‘no’ also allows us space to say ‘yes’ to the right things. Maybe the ‘yes’ list can include more time spent with family & friends, improved mental wellbeing, more time spent doing hobbies, & more time to focus on relevant, strategic business tasks & clients. As the balance tips, & you find yourself considering saying ‘yes’ & ‘no’ more mindfully. Allow yourself some time to reflect & get used to saying ‘no’ from an empowered standpoint rather than a negative one. It takes time to hone this ability, but practice makes perfect. Take control in your business through the power of a simple ‘no’.

Top Tips For Saying No...

...so, if you are used to saying ‘yes’ to avoid saying ‘no’, being more confident at saying ‘no’ is not always so easy, but try it & you’ll feel a weight lifted from your shoulders. Not being all things to all people is OK in business. So, here are top tips to making the use of ‘no’ as a valuable business tool more straightforward: 

• Don't worry about offending. If someone is offended by an honest & simple ‘no’, it is a reflection on them, not on you. Often this indicates they are too focused on the sale & not the value of your relationship,

• Be mindful that when you, yourself kick the can down the road & eventually say ‘no’, you have wasted another business owner’s time & resources, which can then impact on your reputation & credibility. You don’t want to be known as someone who wastes other people’s time,

• It is better to say ‘no’ in person, especially when you are building a relationship, but if you cannot initially, then start practicing saying ‘no’ via email. You have the option to edit & redraft your ‘no’ until you are comfortable with it. When this becomes more natural, you will be ready to start saying ‘no’ comfortably in person too,

• Be honest as to why your answer is ‘no’. It might be an incompatible price point for your budget, not the right time, or that the product or solution isn't right for you. Honest feedback helps the other person develop & hone their product & marketing,

• You should not be berated or be made to feel guilty for saying ‘no’. if this happens then it should be a warning flag. If someone is upset with you for saying ‘no’ or starts to pressure you to change your mind, is this someone you really want to collaborate with? Respond to a situation like this by asking ‘What do you not understand by me saying no?’ As a business owner, the only person to whom you are answerable is yourself. You do not need to justify your decisions to anyone else. Turn it around, but you don't have to have a discussion. ‘No’ should be enough,

• As a provider of a service, it is OK to say 'no' to a potential client, particularly where they don't meet your ideal client avatar. They will probably not value what you do & will most likely be high maintenance. Are you familiar with the 80:20 rule? This is where 80% of your time is spent looking after just 20% of your customers, so it is important to make every customer count & being able to turn away a customer with a simple but effective ‘no’ can be crucial to your success. 

& Remember: 

• Saying ‘no’ is not personal, it’s professional,

• Saying ‘no’ saves everyone time, effort & money,

• Saying ‘no’ is empowering,

• Saying ‘no’ is OK because: it’s your business, it’s your time, it’s your money & it’s your choice. So, don't feel bad about saying ‘no’,

• Saying ‘no’ allows you time to think. Being too hasty for one thing, means you can miss an opportunity elsewhere,

• Saying ‘no’ today, means you can say ‘yes’ tomorrow. If a service or product is good - it'll still be available when the time is right for you to buy. Don't get wrapped up in buying to someone else's agenda. 

Saying 'No' Is Easy... ...Oh Yes It is! 

Saying ‘yes’ to something that isn’t a good fit for you personally or professionally will likely result in discomfort, stress, resentment & an increased workload. If you take time to consider the options, rather than feeling obliged to say ‘yes’ to every opportunity that comes your way, you can make decisions based on logic & sound judgement which steer your business in the right direction, keeping you focused on your ultimate goal. Saying ‘no’ is a skill, & practising it allows you to reclaim your headspace & your time, & keep control of your business expenses, & in turn your wellbeing. 

If you are someone that feels compelled to say ‘yes’, try shifting your mindset to saying ‘no’. It won’t necessarily come easy...but I promise the more you say ‘no’ for the right reasons, the more you will reap the rewards.